My story may seem different to other stories of parental addiction. As I see that my parents were addicted to religion. This is what drove me to being addicted to cannabis. Whilst I was growing up my brothers were resorting to cannabis and seemed to be having fun. My parent’s religious background meant for me that I was not allowed to play music, and I was not allowed to phone girls and they were not allowed to contact me. They didn’t want me to have no one basically. I felt like I was in prison, maybe they didn’t want people to see how strict they were, so to protect their ideals they in turn sacrificed my ideals. My brothers and sister and I got into drink and drugs, which led to excessive drug taking. This led to dealing and robbing to feed the habit and violence.
At 16 I moved out my house and got a flat. My parents did not want me living at home any more. To them the final straw on top of having girlfriends, friends and listening to music was the crime. My parents did not realise how much they were restricting my life, and I couldn’t speak to them. They would not accept me for who I was as a person. They wanted me to be a virgin till I got married and to go to church three times a day. This lifestyle was not who I was.
When I was 20 I went to prison for 4 and half years during this time I had time to reflect on the ills of drugs and alcohol. Prison changed my perceptions on life and I saw the negative effects of drug addiction and dealing.
Since I have been out of prison, my goals have been to do music and share my experiences in a positive way through music. I want to get into production and to produce up and coming talent, write my own music and start up my own label. It’s just getting the studio time and finding a good engineer. I want to reach out to people, and even though the music may sound negative I am trying to portray turning things into a positive. I talk about things that people can relate to, and I speak the truth. Things are different now which makes me look at music in a different light. Because of the opportunities that have been available to me, music is a positive influence in my life. I have realised that I cannot afford to go down the route I have gone down in the past. I now take responsibility for my own actions, and my life is filled with positive things.
Things are not always doom and gloom, it’s about doing something positive and then people are willing to help and opportunities become available. Life is not what it seems and people are not what they seem. I am ready for this whole rap thing and I am not in it for the money. And to go back to my parents I am not on bad terms with them. I understand them. My parents come from Jamaica, and it’s different out there, it’s a lot more dangerous. When I went to Jamaica I understood where they were coming a lot more. This understanding of my parents means that I can now move on with my life.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Anonymous, Haringey
