Children of Addicted Parents and People

Sun, 10/08/2008 - 15:49 — Loliver3 New
Hi everyone, i am new to this web site and like you all am so relieved to have found it, i'm not sure where to start. I feel awful in saying this but, find great comfort that i am not alone and see you all have had simillar expereinces and feelings. I am 31 years old and have recently had a baby, i've been married 2 years and am determined to never put my child through what i've been through feeling the guilt and helplessness i have. My mum has been as alcoholic for 20 years now she has a beautiful house, nice car she dosen't realise how lucky she is, both me and my younger brother are at the end of our teathers
. When my mum first became an alcoholic we both lived with her; i ended up briniging my brother up the best i could until one day someone at school realised somehtings wasn't right with us. The secret life me and my brother had been keeping secret. At the time we didn't see much of our dad as we tried to keep things secret and knew it would break my mum's heart if we were taken away from her, but at 14 years old after living in dicusting conditions we were finally taken away to live with my dad; who was heart broken when he saw the conditions we lived in. We still visited my mum i tried to call everyday as i was petrified something might have happened to her. We did get her help and she managed to stay sober for a couple of weeks at a time. SHe did really weel for a while i think the longest she has ever been sober was 6 months, but over the last 2 years things have gone from bad to worse. She was solidly drunk for the last 2 months of my pregnancy, telling me she was worried i was going to loose the baby (blaming other things as usual) a time when mum and daughter should get close! After the birth of my healthy baby boy she started drinking again using all excuses under the sun generally blaming everyone else as usual. Now my son is 4 months old and doesn't even recognise his grandmar as i can't take him round when she's drunk.
One thing that is always in the back of my mind is that surely her body can't take this much longer and i know it is awful to say, but i feel i have to accept that it won't. I already feel guilty as after trying everything nothing has helped, underneath i know she needs to help herself, but it doesn't stop you trying.
I'm sorry to you all for going on, but it's the first time i have ever really talked about this to people who undertand. People who haven't experienced it just can't understand how you feel...
Thank you for sharing your experiences
Louise x