Children of Addicted Parents and People

Hi:

I need your views and perspectives. I have been caring fro my two grandchildren for a couple of months. I thought that their mother was depressed and overwhelmed. When I would call her on the phone she was usually still sleeping (at all hours of the day) or screaming at her children. My other daughter said that she was on drugs. I raised both daughters as a single mother with no help from their father, who suffers from mental illness. He is paranoid and pyschotic, but very intelligent so he is able to cover for his illness for long periods. Then he just moves on. My daughter is also WADHD. Anyway I offered to take the kids for a couple of months so that she could get her life organized and hopefully feel better. Both of my daughters have a good trust income and do not hold outside jobs, so the first signs that drugs are a problem, losing one's house or job, won't apply here. My daughter and her husband came to see their children. My son-in-law is very quiet, so I get no info from him. They pretty much slept or stayed intheir room watching movies for the first 4 days. THeir children, ages 4 and 7, fell back into old habits of throwing their clothes around and eating all over the house, making quite a mess. The parents did nothing with them, except watch movies. I got irritated because I am working and going to school and I also injured my back. I asked my daughter to get out of bed and pay attention to her kids. She blew up and for two days has been screaming at me about what a bad mother and bad person I am. Most of her tirad makes little sense. She and her sister both have a bit of the "poorme, my Mom wasn't there for me " attitude, because I worked two jobs when they were little to support us and didn't have much time for them. But, she is cussing at me and threatening to hit me and saying very mean and abusive things to me. Then she will go to her room for awhile and start all over again later. I think that it is very extreme behavior but she tells me that I am the crazy one and that I am maniplative. I told her to leave but she won't. She said that I am using the kids against her so I told her that I don't want to do that, so she can take the kids with her. THen she said that I was rejecting her children. It is so extreme. She accuses me of "acting white" because I want her kids to bath everyday and eat at the table. Help!