Hi, i dont realy know what to say but i guess I have just run out of waysto cope with everything that goes on in my life. Tonight was another nightof my mum sneaking of pretending to attend an AA meeting then coming homedrunk. Part of me feels so angry i just want to run away from everything,however, my brother and sister do not have it easy and I go home from unioften to check they are both ok. My dad left when i was 7 and my brotherand sister were younger and i think thats when my mum started to drink. Icant remember when it got to the stage of being an addiction...probablyjust over time. I do not know what to do anymore, our family is all realy close but evenmy mums sisters have given up now. After being signed off her work, goingto the doctor everyday and being policed by the family for literally twoweeks, no car, no money i.e no possible way for her to get alcohol she isnow back to drinking which also comes the lies, depression and anxiety. Icant handle it anymore, her partner has stuck around for ten years now andleft a few times. the last time was the worst, i thought mum had hit "rockbottom" but even now he's given her another chance she still persists ongoing back to drinking. At first it was just wine, maybe a bottle a nightand now its spirits, vodka, whisky..whatever will drown out life in generalso she can forget all her issues and problems. My mum is one of the kindestpeople i have ever met, it kills me to see her this unhappy that this isthe way she has to liver her life. I speak to my dad but we both know I donot have a relationship with him as in a way i guess i blame him for all ofthis happening. I cant help but wonder, what if he hadnt left and had anaffair? would any of this happened and become this bad?! after all it didall start when my mum was left feeling empty and alone with no self asteemwhat so ever. She is good at her job but again I think it will take for herto loose everything until she realises. i do not see how anything can getmuch worse. From around 15 I feel i am responsible for my younger brotherand sister, they go through the same as me therefore i feel i should bethere for them, I'm the one they look for answers from and they have nostability in their lives. I worry alot about how its affecting all 3 of us,it will be but probably in ways we dont even know of yet. My mum was told a few years ago if she continued drinking the way she wasshe would only have around 10 years to live and this was 3/4 years ago. itsso frustrating watching someone you love and care for so much push a selfdestruct button due to their unhappiness and constant problems and theresliterally nothing you can do about it unless they do it themselves. I justdont know what to do and sometimes I just need to let everything out. weare not aloud to tell my dad about any of this and my aunties have stood byus so much that I dont want to impose on their own lives anymore. I knowhow it feels for a mother to lie, hide and run away from this horribledisease. I hope there is someone out there who can understand what I'mgoing through. Paula X
