By Forever Hopeful - COAP Mentor
Heroin
My mum and dad separated when I was about 14. My dad was on heroin. I found out when I was 15 and things started to make sense. For months he was always falling asleep and dopey when awake. His eyes would be pinned and vacant. He would always have scabs and sores where he'd been digging or injecting heroin. I remember when I used to get in the car with him I'd be terrified as he would drive erratically and all over the road. I always thought he was going to crash. He started mixing with all the local heroin addicts which was embarrassing. After a few years his health started to deteriorate. He put on loads of weight then started having heart trouble. He was in and out of hospital. At the time I thought that was it he was going to die. He stabilised but continued to take drugs. He also started smoking crack cocaine. He also started stealing such as things out of my mum's house such as hoovers etc.
About 2 years later he was crossing the road, had a heart attack and died. He was only 43.
Crack cocaine
When my mum and dad had separated my mum started going out all the time. It was the Madchester music scene and the rave era. She'd disappear for a few days at a time and I'd have to babysit my brothers and some of my mums mates kids. My mum was sociable and had lots of friends. They'd all come around and party in the house before/after going out. They'd be taking speed (amphetamine) and e's (ectasy). These drugs were more party drugs and made everyone happy.
After a few years my mum got a new boyfriend. He was heavily into selling and taking drugs. After about 3 months of my seeing her new man she too started smoking crack cocaine. My mum would spend a lot of the time at her new man's house and I would run the family home taking my younger brothers to and from school. The crack cocaine was used socially at first with my mum and her friends smoking it. Everyone appeared happy when high. They'd disappear into my mums bedroom taking it for hours not letting any of the children in the bedroom.
My mum's new man ended up getting arrested and going to jail. By this time my mum had become accustomed to being provided with money and drugs. Life went from bad to worse.
At this point I had moved from my mum's house into a homeless hostel. When her man went to jail she started cheque fraud and shoplifting. After a while she got caught and was expecting to go to jail. My mum's brothers and sisters had temporarily taken on looking after my younger brothers. I then agreed that I would look after my younger brothers temporarily whilst my mum went to jail. We all started living in a homeless house. The family home got repossessed. I had the painful task of clearing it out. Painful was what it was…I found squatters in the ‘family home' and physically having to fight with them for stuff they had stolen from it. We were all also grieving the death of our dad and had to deal with our mum's erratic behaviour from drug taking.
I ended up getting a house of the council for us all to live in. I became an approved foster carer for my brothers. We have remained a tight unit even though we have had are tough times and I think this is how we have managed to get through it all as we have each other. It has been and remains difficult to deal with at times.
Over the years my mum has continued to smoke crack and drink. She has also been in and out of jail. She is doing 6 years at the moment and so is one my older brothers.
My mum went from being a great mum who was pretty selfless into quite selfish. Her moods can me high or low. She can manipulate to try and get money out of you. I've fought with drug dealers/takers for her.
With crack you might see tin foil lying about and drinking glasses with ash inside them. Cigarettes are left to burn out so the ash can be used for the crack pipe. White specks may also be found on surfaces etc
Cocaine
My older brother started taking cocaine over 5 years ago. At first he was happy but then started taking it more and more. His behaviour became more erratic. He wouldn't sleep for days. He'd drink Stella Artois all the time and take sleeping tablets to bring him down but he hardly came down. He has been diagnosed with drug induced schizophrenia. Some days he will say someones cast a spell on him and when you read up on schizophrenia this is one of the characteristics. When you try to explain this he won't listen. His behaviour has been difficult for us all to have to deal with. He hears voices in his head. He can be manic and aggressive and calm/withdrawn. He has come at us with hammers and knives and is generally intimidating! Both my older brother and mum were involved in a stabbing again drug related.
With cocaine you may see bags with white powder in and/or specks of white dust around and rolled up notes.
I would just like to let you know you are not alone if you have a similar experience. You can feel quite isolated when someone you know takes drugs. It is not you and you can succeed in life. It doesn't mean you are worthless in any way. There will be deep rooted problems within the drug addict that they can only deal with by taking drugs. It is up to them if they are willing to confront the issues without taking drugs. In no way is it your fault. If you would like to share your experience feel free to get in touch.
