By Charl89 - COAP Mentor
Were do you start?
Well first of all it’s not easy growing up and living with an alcoholic parent as you carry the worry of it around with you for life. We all have different effects by the illness. Some of us just close up and try forgetting whilst around friends and other people trying to live a life that’s a lie, or in my case don't hide it. The affects with living with an alcoholic has made me the person I am today. Of course I am embarrassed of her being an alcoholic but it’s not my illness I’m just a sufferer of it!
Living with an alcoholic gives a life of sadness, anger, lost hopes and broken promises. Trust is also a big issue, you obviously don't just have these problems with the alcoholic but you also have them with friends, partners and other family members and it is hard to remember not everyone is out there to ruin your life. I find it very hard to trust people and as a result I only have 3 close friends who know what goes on in my life. I also try to make people happy around me, hoping it makes me happy. But it is hard to stop and think about myself when I need to.
The next issue is alcohol itself, you end up with a hate for it obviously because it ruined your life. But it becomes more of a problem when you become old enough to drink that you either don't ever touch the stuff or go the other way and drinks loads. Personally I have done both and neither helped me, I have now found a balance in between where I allow myself a few glasses of wine and don't punish myself for doing it. I can enjoy hanging out with my friends but I don't need alcohol to have fun. This balance has made me understand alcohol is not a life ruiner for everyone, and even when I see people in the pubs or clubs I found it hard to remember they are not out to ruin my night but to have fun. It just makes it hard as you do see people out having fun with alcohol but why can’t an alcoholic be fun instead of evil?
You hear a lot of people referring an alcoholic as a Jacquel and Hyde experience, but why do they end up like this? Its a question we all end up asking, we always think that a parent is supposed to support and love you but instead they hurl abuse and some times physical assault. It is hard for a child of an alcoholic to remember that it’s not them but the unfortunate effect of alcohol that makes them like this, but how many times can you forgive them for doing this to you?
Even if the alcoholic doesn't stop drinking your life doesn't have to be ruined. There is many organisations and people to help. I found COAP (Children of Addictive Parents and People) and this place has changed my life. I have found people who have experienced the same as I was going through. I now help people who were like me 4 years ago, lost, lonely and sad and now I hope to make them happier, hopeful and feel there is help out there for them.
Alcoholism has changed my life and my personality but it has not ruined my life completely. I have found I am a better person because of it, I am stronger, independent and determined and I live each day with a motto of 'Think less and feel more' ... why not try it.
