Children of Addicted Parents and People

Hi, I'm emma or stardustpixie :) i found this website after reading an article in a newspaper about it.
My father has been an alcoholic for 35+ years, hes still in denial.
He can go about a maximum or a month without a drink but then he'll drink loads. Nearly 2 years ago he was diagnosed with a blood condition called milodisplacia also known as post-lukimia. Although it is not caused by his drinking. Actually the doctors call him a medical mystery as he is not damaged his liver even though he has drunk enough over the years to kill him.
I have always known my dad was an alcoholic, my mum did not hide it from us, my brother and sister and I. Growing up I always knew my dad was not like my friends dad's and felt ashamed of him. He is not a bad person but e is very hard to live with. Even when hes not drinking its difficult because you know hes needing a drink. Its like walking on egg shells all the time! He is verbally abusive when he is drinking but has never been physically so.
I feel angry at my mum for not leaving him but she has been scared of what we may have been subjected to as he was a good provider. There is also always the last chance thing that happens time and time again. It is a constant emotional battle, to feel hatred when he is drinking and then feeling guilty for feeling hateful towards him when hes not.
In 2006 I was diagnosed with anorexia, I believe part of my developing thins was possibly due to my dad's alcoholism as well as my never talking about it to anyone, I just kept all my feelings inside. My mum also had an eating disorder for 15 years so that will contribute as well. Although when my dad is bad, I get worse as well. We bounce off one another in a negative way, I'm scared it is because we are alike.
I don't think I'll ever drink, I've never tried it and I'm 20.
I hope to find others in a similar situation, so we can support one another.
xxx****