Hi, i'm Vicki and I joined this website after reading about it in a magazine the other day. For as long as I can remember dad's always had a beer in his hand, but the amount he's been drinking has increased so much over the years that no one in my direct family (ie, my sister and mum) realised how bad it had got until we opened the recycling bin and found over 40 cans (the bin had been emptied a couple of days before). My dad is aggresive whilst he's been drinking, he's never physically hurt any of us, but has said horrible comments, particularly to myself and my mum. One time he told her he'd rather comit suicide than be married to her. Another time he told her that someday someone really needed to punch her and he really hoped it would be him.
I'm at a local university, and moved out this year partly to get away, but i've struggled so much that i'm moving back in next year because I miss being at home too much. I feel down all the time, every time I go home dad is screaming at either my mum or me. He will then ask If i'm ok, when I reply "Yes thanks, just doing.... etc" he'll storm out of the room shouting "I was just asking!" At first I thought it was the way i'd answered, so made sure not to but that's always his response. I'm really worried about how it's effecting my little sister who's just turned 12. But what's worse is how my mum's feeling, she's always been the strong image in our lives, and I think i'd only seen her cry when I was little once or twice. But recently she's been crying constantly after some of the things he's been saying. I think his drinking started to spiral out of control when his mum (my nanna) died 4 years ago, and his dad died a few months ago. We've tried talking to him, but he always shouts we don't know how he feels, I'm trying to understand him but I don't feel like I know him anymore. Mum keeps saying she wants to divorce but is scared because her job only brings in £6000 a year, so she's worried she won't be able to keep the house. I don't know what to do, I went for councelling at my university for about 5 months, but it hasn't really helped. Whenever anyone has tried to bring up dad's drinking he's turned it on us either blaming me or mum or shouting he doesn't have a problem and changing the subject. I hate how depressed my mum is because theres nothing any of us can do to stop her feeling that way. I don't want to feel prejudiced against my dad but I can't help it sometimes.
My best friend has been my rock through this, but I'm scared that if I keep telling her all the time she'll eventually get sick of it and stop talking to me. I know how paranoid that sounds, but I wish that I didn't have something negative to say coz I know she gets upset when she knows I'm upset.
Sorry, guess i've written quite a lot here ^^;
