Hello, Im new and I love the idea of sharing my feelings to people who might understand!Basically, my mums an alcoholic and a facebook addict and funny as the facebook thing sounds its horrible. I think things may of started when my youngest brother was born, I am a middle child of 6 and the only girl. Three of my brothers are autistic the youngest being the most severe, he couldnt talk til he was 4 where his first word was crisps and even then it took him about 3 years to communicate properly other than using noises. It took the whole family to get him to talk and it kinda brought us closer together even though at the time our close family friend was having an affair with this HORRIBLE MAN!!!!! and my dad was going through depression because we just went bankrupt and my oldest brother was just getting over depression!! However it was all still incredibly stressful for me, I never remember going out to play when i was about 8-13 because I was being a mum to 3 autistic children when my mum wasnt there which I was fine with so I was more like an adult at that age and found it weird for my friends parents to take them out and cook them food. However, now that I am 17 im trying to make my own life getting my education and trying to live my life in preperation for when I leave home. But its incredibley hard to do that when i still have to look after my 3 autistic brothers because my parents have suddenly become incapable too!! My mum drinks 1-3 bottles of wine A NIGHT! and smokes whenever she gets the chance (she tries to be sneaky about it but how stupid i can smell!!) and she used to stay on facebook from 9pm at til 4am! obiously she wasnt just playing that stupid game mafia wars but I had no idea what was going on and I didnt want to. She was doing that routine for about a year when one night i was woken up to "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" from my dad and he was repeatively calling my name, so I ran into my brothers room and my mum was in one of the camis in suspenders!!! and my dad was pinning her to the floor and the webcam was on . . . and he was shouting at me saying she was on webcam and I just said get out of my brothers room! and they got up and argued all night. Also my mum is incredibley violent even when we were younger when i was 7 she slapped me round the face and used to through plates and pretty much the closest heaviest things at me and my brothers and last year when I was suffering constant panic attacks because of her obvious secrecy drinking and smoking and having to look after my brothers! I was just trying to avoid her as much as possible and yeah I like listening to classical music and she decided all of a sudden to like heavy metal she shouted at me to "turn that sh*t down", I did, litrally seconds later she asked again to "turn that rubbish sh*t off" and I said it dont moan about you heavy metal music and she burst into my bedroom grabbed my hair pulled my head back and shouted in my face i just shouted back let go of me right now. From then on its never been right even tho we talked about it the niceness and not wearing slutty clothing and going on facebook lasted for about a week and then back to normal being a horrible b*tch. And recently weve been getting along but I dont trust trust her never have never will not since our close family friends affair but a couple of days ago she was out god knows where and I was walking past my brothers bedroom when I saw she left her facebook on, I wish I never read the sickening horrible messages she had. Shes cheated on my dad before, she told me i didnt know what to do I was horrified she was out drink with this woman clair who is such a bad influence and snogged a 19 year old and I know that probably wasnt all she did and she was always a christian and suddenly shes decided she wants to find out about muslims so she lost all her friends not coz of the muslim thing but because she just stopped contact with them and now she just spends time texting these guys sending photos of herself and staying on facebook, and when I say you should get some real friends she just says well they never bother to stay in contact with me! Ive seen her messages before but on msn and i confronted her but someone she made me feel bad and I told my oldest brother whos like my second dad about everything (not the most recent incident) and he promised not to tell her but he did but she didnt care about me having panic attacks and how i was feeling she only cared about herself and insted said to me that i was a horrible heartless b*tch that only cared about myself and that ive really upset but older brother. I know it was incredibly nosey of me to go through her stuff but she shouldnt be doing this she should be looking after my brothers with me and my dad not keeping them awake til 11pm-1am drunk on facebook doing discusting stuff while they're there not giving them proper meals only snacks and microwave stuff which becuase of that they are now obese my youngest brother now 9 weights more than me! and im not exactly the skinniest thing in the world but because she stays up so late he wont get breakfast til 1 in the afternoon sometimes and all i wanna do it help my brothers and look after them but i know that all the responsability will be mine again and i will have no social life AGAIN!im so sorry about the essay ive missed things out but id love to talk to someone of get advice on how to get my mum to stop dong these things and stop being a smoker and an alcoholic i dont understand how she isnt ill yet! i mean this when i say all of my relative have died from smoking or alcohol related issues its stopped my dad from drink a lot but not my mumthank you if you did read this
