I am 27 years old. I have lived with an alcoholic parent all of my life. My father started drinking at an early age and has never really stopped. Things got really bad about 5 years ago, he would drink, overdose on his medication and we would spend all night at the hospital.
During this period my father wanted to die in total he made five attempts to kill himself. I remember one attempt where my uncle had come to the hospital and was giving me and my brother a lift home, I hugged my father and told him to promise me that he would never do this again; he promised. One week after he had been realised from the hospital and the home team which came to see him every day had signed him off, he was drinking again. Through this entire period, I hated my father and all his broken promises, it was confusing because I hated him but I still loved him because when he was sober you would find a better person if you searched the entire earth.
After my father’s third suicide attempt I was diagnosed with depression and panic attacks, it was so bad that I would go months without leaving the house. I lost my job, dropped out of university and some day’s I wouldn’t eat or even get out of bed and I was barely getting any sleep. I was prescribed anti-depressants and arranged to see a counsellor once a week.
My father fifth suicide attempt was two days before Christmas. I didn’t go to the hospital on this occasion. This occasion was different; the doctors referred him to this special program which he had to attend to help him stop drinking. It took three months, he was made to do presentations, design newsletters, learn about drinking and it effects on the body, counselling, anger management and it seemed to work my father was sober for six months. My father was pressured by his counsellor to attend AA something which he really didn’t want to do and two days later he was drinking again and hasn’t stopped, he says it’s different now because he has it under control and doesn’t want to kill himself anymore.
This story is not over, my dad is still battling with is addiction and I am fighting to make a life for myself. I feel better I started leaving the house and even returned to university and recently I just graduated and got my degree. Will my father ever stop drinking? I don’t know I am hopeful that he will find the strength to do it. As much as I love my father, I can’t help him, he is an adult and this is something he must do himself.
The advice which I offer people who have a parent with an addiction is remember to look after yourself not just physically but emotionally. Take all the anger, pain and hurt and turn into something positive, channel it into your studies or your job. Make something of yourself and maybe that will encourage your parent to do the same.
If anyone needs to talk, I am here and I know what you’re going through. The person who helps me the most was a teacher at university. Talk to someone because it really helps to know that you’re not alone.
