My mum was an alcoholic for 10 years of my life, when I was eight year old my mum’s dad found out he had cancer not long after he passed away. My mum took the news really hard and broke down so fast so quick lost an incredibly amount of weight and got heavily depressed, at the age of eight I didn’t realize how bad things were and thought it was normal that my mum started to drink in the day as well as night, she use to consume anything she could get her hands on from cider to vodka.
My dad use to work away from Monday to Friday of every week to provide for me and my mum, before my mum took to drink we had everything big house flashy cars went on holiday all the time I even went to a private school I got spoilt rotten because I’m an only child. My dad working away made things a lot harder, my mum made me keep her drinking a secret because then my dad would of ended up giving his up job. It was me and my mum every day for years week after week me caring for her, I was my mum’s mum I had to bathe, change and put her to bed nearly every night. I had to teach myself how to cook clean etc from such a young age.
School life got affected a lot by my mum’s alcohol problem, I had so much time off because I was at home caring for my mum. When I was there it was really hard to focus on my work and got into a lot of trouble. I never told any teachers what was happening at home because I didn’t want to be taken away from my mum. I came out of school with hardly any GCSE’s.
I use to hate waking up in the morning not knowing what mood she was going to be in, it was as if she was two completely different people, when she was sober she was an amazing mum but when she was drunk she was a monster. I use to cry myself to sleep at night praying that my mummy would be ok some day. She made me so many promises that she would help herself but always ended up breaking them. Daily i use to find vodka bottles hidden all over the house because she tried to hide the fact she was drunk, I had to get a lock on my bedroom door on the inside because she use to come in whilst I was asleep and steal money out of my piggy bank . She started to be a compulsive liar and lied about everything, how much she drank, where she got the money from and what time she started drinking etc.
She use come in my room hit me and hit me and hit me again until I got up walked to the 24hour tesco in the early hours of the morning to get another bottle, when she was drunk she was always really violent towards me in the last couple of years I’ve ended up ringing the police because I couldn’t possibly take anymore more of the domestic abuse, in one year I rang the police 45 times. I ended up getting non-molestation order against her were I had to be brave and stand up in front of a judge and tell him what has been happening he then put this order against her so she couldn’t have any contact with me at all. The violence was horrific had me a knife point on several occasion, pushed me down the stairs, slapped, punched, pinched, scratched anything that she could do to hurt me she did. It was verbal as well as physical at times, calling me fat telling me she wishes she never had me.
My mum and dad split up and she moved out of the family home and ended up sleeping rough on the streets for a few weeks until she moved into a hostel, she then ended up moving in with this drug addict and she became a lot worse. My dad moved on pretty fast and replaced my mum with a younger model, who took an instant disliking to me I found it hard to accept that my mum and dad wasn’t together anymore.
My auntie rang me at 11o clock at night and told me that my mum had been rushed into hospital, I thought to myself she would be ok and that she had probably drank to much and got into a state. I sat there for about an hour then thought no I’ll go up. I got up to the hospital asked at the reception desk what ward she was on, my heart stopped and I got this massive lump in my mouth when the receptionist told me she was in the intensive care unit. When I walked in she started to cry and I didn’t quiet no what was going off I spent hours with her and went home in the early hours of the morning. She got heavily sedated and began to get worse as the days went on she had a tube going all the way from her mouth into her lungs because she could not breath by herself any longer and she had a load of various machines keeping her alive. She was in intensive care for 27 days in total and I had to quit work and college to be by her side. On the 27th day they decided that they had done all they possibly could to try and help her and it was time to turn the machines off. I sorted out my mum’s funeral the music flowers etc, I even did her hair and make up .
I never thought in a million years that I would be saying goodbye to my mum at the age of 17, people say it gets easier but it’s almost a year later now and its not getting any easier theres not a single day that’s goes past that I don’t think about her. I hate her for what she put me through for so many years but at the same time I love her because she my mum, I just wish she would of got help before it was too late.
i love you mummy ox
