My mother was an alcoholic whilst I was growing up. I felt different as a child, yet I did not know at that time that my mum had a drinking problem; I just saw it as normal. Through my teenage years her addiction became more of a problem for me, as I began to become aware that it was a problem for her.
As I got older the effects of her addiction really began to make me unhappy. At my lowest point I would cry many times a day for months. At this point my mother was also really unwell, and was also addicted to pain killers. I felt powerless, hurt, angry, and disappointed. I tried everything possible to try and make my mum better. I tried the full on approach, I told her she had a problem and needed to sort it out. I tried the tough love approach. I tried the sympathetic approach, the understanding I will help you approach. I tried the get the family together and talk to her approach. I tried to ignore the problem and sweep it under the carpet approach. I tried everything to try and help her see she had a problem with drinking and needed help.
It did not work. I felt rejected and un-cared for by my mother, I needed her support and she was unable to give it to me.
I always knew that my mum loved me, and I always loved her, but for a long time I could never understand why the bottle could so easily come between us. Watching her slowly become soulless, watching the life behind her eyes completely fade away was extremely painful, knowing that what ever I did would not make a difference. I found that her unhappiness really affected my happiness, and her illness became a massive part of my life. Watching my mum suffer from alcoholism however has made me the person who I am today which I would never want to change.
Whilst my mum was still drinking I began to get counseling and regularly went to support groups for families effected by their loved ones addictions. I learned new ways to cope in the support groups and found a massive weight had been lifted of my shoulders by talking to others who understood.
So it was in 2006 I founded COAP. The drive behind COAP is to provide children with something that I did not have as I was growing up. I set the website up for young people to talk about their concerns and fears about a person who is abusing drugs and alcohol, or is addicted to some form of behaviour. I felt like I had no one to talk too who understood. And I don’t want others to feel like there is no one to talk to.
As the founder of COAP, I hope that eventually thousands around the UK and eventually the world will come to know about COAP, and know that they are not alone in their experiences. I hope that those who have turned their negative experiences into positive experiences, will provide hope, support and guidance to those who are having a really bad time and may not see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
In Missing Mummy; Living in the shadow of an alcoholic parent a collection of 30 poems, I write about the complex emotions I felt growing up with my mum's addiction to alcohol. Writing really helped me to express myself and get things out of my head and down onto paper.
“I can think of many young people with whom I work who would be generally helped by this wonderful book of poetry.”Gill Fitzhugh
MBE Chief Executive of TheTo purchase the book click on either of the links below which take you to Chipmunka Publishing and Amazon;
http://chipmunkapublishing.co.uk/shop/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=508
